Self-Love Fluff
by BelleoftheBookstore
Summary: More information is in the document. However, this is a place where I will occasionally post Sander's sides one shots for your reading pleasure. Want feels and/or fluff? You've come to the right place. TW: Anxiety attacks, relationship drama (applied), self-loathing, perfectionism. If there are others, let me know. Stay safe guys, gals, and non-binary pals. :) I own nothing.
1. Chapter 1- Sick Days

Self- Love Fluff- Sander's sides

All rights go to Thomas Sanders and friends

Author's Note:

I've read various interviews where Thomas Sanders said that he interprets the shipping of his characters as a confidence boost for himself. I think that this is an interesting way to respond to shipping and along those lines, I wanted to use two ships from that fandom as a writing exercise and as a balance for my more taxing projects. Includes Logicality, Prinxiety, and no smut since I don't feel like writing it. This will be updated periodically. Enjoy.

Prompts include:

-nightmares

-illnessX

-anxiety help

-first kiss

-The others getting the hint

-star gazing (logicality)

-dancing (prinxiety?)

-getting a pet (logicality)

-a ridiculous rivalry (Prinxiety)

Illness: (Low key based off an internet post I've seen like five times):

Logicality:

Patton knew something was up with Logan when he didn't come out of his room (other for food, to go to the bathroom, or when he was summoned) for almost two days. Roman assured him that the smart side probably had a research project that he had dived into again, but Patton was still concerned regardless. He decided to know on his closed bedroom door.

"Hey Loganberry," He said as he knocked gently. "I haven't seen you in a while. I just wanted to make sure that you're okay."

There was some slight shuffling and a sniffle, but Logan still opened the door, only to stay about two feet away from the door frame.

"Thanks, Patton, for your concern but I'm-ACHOO!" He sneezed into a tissue that already looked pretty mucus covered. "-okay. I'm just working on some research for the next video-" He paused and clutched the door to deal with some oncoming dizziness. "-And I didn't want to make anyone else-ACHOO!-ill."

Patton walked toward him before Logan could say that he didn't want to get him sick and felt his forehead.

"You're burning up, honey. You shouldn't work when you're like this. Your body needs rest to fight whatever's troubling you."

"You're right, Patton. But I need to be- ACHOO!-useful. And besides, I am not-" But before he could say whatever lie he wanted to say, around round of dizziness came over him and he suddenly put his hand on Patton's shoulder.

"You need to take care of yourself, honey. Your health is more important than any project or desire to be useful. Thomas will understand that." He said this in a soothing tone as he guided Logan into bed. He suspected the other side was too tired to try to argue with him. He was genuinely surprised that he didn't find him asleep on his desk like he did the last time he was sick.

"I can call Roman and Virgil to get us some food and water in case you need them. I don't want you to try to work again."

"Thank you… I'm sorry. It was stupid of me to-" Logan's voice even sounded weak from exhaustion.

"Of course. This is what you do when you lo-care for somebody. You help them, even when they are stubborn."

"I don't want-ACHOO!-to get you sick." Logan said sadly.

"It's okay. I care more about helping you right now than getting sick." Patton said.

Suddenly the caring side, who was sitting on the edge of Logan's bed was pulled into a large hug. Patton was surprised. Logan wasn't usually this vulnerable or affectionate.

"You care more… than what's healthy…" He said, the sentiment mostly muffled by clothing and mucus.

"I've been told that. I think all of us do to some extent. It just shows how caring Thomas is in many ways."

Logan didn't respond. He appeared to be falling asleep, but was still burning up and shivering against Patton. He called the other two sides over, who smirked when they saw a sleepy Logan clinging to Patton like a koala.

"Well, I guess that's one mystery solved." Roman joked quietly. "Old Specs is cuddly when he's sick."

Despite the joking and the concern that Virgil had despite Patton's reassurances that he knew what doing, the sides came back with soup, a tissue box, water, and a fluffy Doctor Who blanket.

Virgil came back to check on them a couple of hours later and saw the pair fast asleep with their arms around each other. The soup was half eaten, the water glass was half empty, and tissues littered the space around them. Virgil smiled to himself and left the room.

A few days later, Patton got sick and Logan quickly deduced this outcome since he was feeling better and went to check on him. Patton protested profusely, but the other side argued that he took care of him when he was sick, so he should reciprocate. A lot of really bad puns, cuddles and sneezing ensued.

After this, Logan made an effort sure to remember that they shouldn't work when really sick. It wasn't good for them, physically or mentally.

Illness: Prinxiety:

A couple of days after Logan and Patton got sick, it was Virgil's turn. Similar to the other two, he didn't want to spread his illness. However, unlike the other two, part of him thought that he might not be missed, even though he desperately missed them.

It was on day two of Virgil hiding in his room that Logan told Roman needed to see what was going on with Virgil.

"Why me, though?" Roman said bitterly. "Don't I usually just piss him off? I'll just say a joke that lands the wrong away again and make him feel worse than he already does."

"Um… This is more Patton's area of expertise than mine. But I think that it would be a good idea for you to try at least. We've all learned a lot since we've accepted him into the group more, especially you. However, it's possible that he might harbor some insecurities from how you used to act towards him and you might too, for all I know. And in any case, I'm sure the gesture will count for something."

Roman was silent for a minute, taking in Logan's sage advice.

"Wow, that was actually pretty good advice, Logan. I usually go to Patton for this kind of thing, but you're not so bad yourself."

"Happy to help." Logan replied. "Especially since I think he's still asleep if I'm not mistaken. Still getting over his cold, no doubt."

Logan then left the room, probably to try to catch up on any work he had missed when he was sick. Roman was still in the kitchen, where two plates of pancakes loaded with Crofters' jam were left untouched. He knew what he had to do, but he was still nervous about screwing it up. He knocked on Virgil's door, trying to appear calm. There was a shuffling sound followed by a sound on a sneeze.

"What do you want?" Virgil asked, his voice sounding quieter than normal.

"I just wanted to see if you were doing okay." Roman responded, fully expecting the witty retort that followed.

"That's weird." He replied quietly, not a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"No, it's not. You're one of us." Roman said genuinely. Suddenly, Virgil was hit by a wave of dizziness and appeared to be holding something back.

"Woah there, Verge." The prince said as he caught him. "It's okay. I've got you." He wrapped the sad side in a hug and realized that he was crying silently. The prince didn't say anything, just sat down on his bed and stroked his hair while his heart grew heavier.

"I did this to you." The creative side said silently as shadows appeared under his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Virgil said congested. "You didn't get me sick. I think either Logan or Patton did that by-"

"No, I meant." Roman said sadly. "You still think of yourself as unwanted because of what I used to say to you when you shut down my ideas constantly and I didn't understand why. You didn't even tell anyone you were sick, you just disappeared and thought we wouldn't notice."

"No…" Virgil sneezed right after saying this. "I'm still not used to anyone bothering to check on me. I spent so long working in the background, helping you guys with everything that would be too much to handle alone. But whenever I showed my face, it seemed to bring everyone down. I pretended it didn't bother me but it-"

"-did." Roman finished as Virgil was hit by another wave of dizziness and feelings. "You've taught us so much since you started showing up more often. You've made us, made me, better. I'm sorry we never properly thanked you for keeping us safe, even if you did go overboard sometimes-

"-All the time!" Virgil finished. "I need to be less...me. I can still keep you all safe, but it would be a lot better if I stopped overreacting all of the time-"

"You're learning. We're learning. _God knows I'm still learning_. But don't you dare hide parts of yourself or your feelings for our sake. Otherwise, it might come out in worse ways. Besides we care about you, the whole you. I'm sorry." Roman suddenly realized that he was crying too.

"Don't beat yourself up, you're still learning too. Although, maybe we should get you out of this corner of the mind scape. It might make your insecurities worse if we stay here too long."

Roman got up and picked up Virgil like a Disney princess. Virgil did not have the energy or the motivation to protest. The pair traveled to Roman's room and Roman set Virgil down on his bed and tucked him into it.

"I'm going to get a few things now, Hot Topic." He felt the other sides forehead as he said this and realized it was a little bit warm. "Just try to relax and I'll be back soon."

The first thing Roman did was knock on Patton's door after realizing that he still hadn't eaten his pancakes. Patton emerged, still in his cat onesie, but looking a lot better than how Roman saw him last.

"Hey kiddo." Patton said joyfully. "Oh, thank you for the pancakes. I slept a little longer than I meant to, but I'm feeling-" He stopped talking midway through and looked into Roman's eyes.

"Kiddo, is something wrong?" Roman shook his head.

"Remember what we talked about earlier?" Patton replied, referring to the last time Patton had repressed his feelings. Roman nodded, tears welling up in his eyes once again.

"Oh kiddo," Patton was surprised at Roman's sudden admission. It usually took a lot longer than this for him to admit to negative feelings. "Tell me what's going on underneath that crown of yours."

"I can't seem to do anything right… I was mean to Virgil for so long when all he was doing was keeping us safe. And he needed help a lot, but I just pushed him away…"

"You're still learning, Ro. We all are. We can't fix the past, but we can take steps to make the future better for him. Did he get sick too?"

Roman nodded. "Well, than help feel better. It's a small step, but it's still a step forward. You can do it." Patton squeezed him tighter.

"Now if you don't mind, I'm going to eat these pancakes, I'm starving." Roman nodded, determined to start his latest project.

Soon he had gathered a bunch of items together including pancakes with Crofters' and peanut butter (for protein), water, and a box of tissues. He also gathered his fluffy blanket and grabbed the stuffed black cat that Patton gave to Virgil.

"Thank… you." Virgil said quietly.

"Don't mention it." Roman said. "Now, do you

want _The Little Mermaid_ again and find new problematic themes with me?"

"Sure." Virgil responded, suddenly being more cuddly than usual and side hugging Roman. He had already put the dvd and after turning it on, reciprocated by hugging him even tighter. His touch was everything that Deceit's wasn't.

Instead of being the sarcastic bean that he usually was when watching problematic Disney movies. He was asleep within a half an hour of the movie's runtime. Roman smiled. He rarely saw Virgil sleep, oddly enough. Roman didn't get up after the movie ended. He just wrote ideas down on his phone and watched YouTube until eventually he fell asleep too.

Roman got sick the next day and acted a lot like Virgil. However, other than being dramatic when confronted with the fact that he needed to relax, the day ended up a lot like Virgil's, full of ambivalent Disney movies and cuddles.

This helped Thomas slowly realize that he didn't have to change himself completely to be a better person.


	2. Chapter 2- Dancing and Stars

Star gazing (Logicality)

Logan and Patton were in a car heading to the middle of nowhere. They asked Virgil and Roman if they wanted to come too, but they both claimed that they were busy. Patton wondered whether this was planned on their part, but Logan of course, took it at face value. Either way, Patton was excited that he actually managed to get Logan to leave the house outside of his prescheduled "outdoor time." He always thought that the logical side worked far too hard and needed to enjoy himself more often.

When they got to their destination, they parked the car and wrapped blankets around themselves as they sat on the grass. The only other sounds they heard were owls and crickets.

They stared at the myriad of stars in silent appreciation. Then Logan cleared his throat and said, "Um… Patton. Do you want to hear some star facts? It's okay if you just want to sit here quietly, I just thought…" He was grateful that it was too dark for Patton to tell that he was actually _blushing_ for some unknown reason.

"No, some star facts would be great, Logan." The moral side enjoyed the way that Logan talked when he was excited about something. It sounded softer somehow.

Logan proceeded to identify _Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, Draco, and Pegasus. _Patton only interrupted him to say how cute the bear and pegasus constellations were and to comment that the Draco constellation reminded of _Harry Potter_. Logan actually smiled at that last comment and said that could be where Rowling thought of the name.

Patton knew that Logan probably knew enough facts about constellations alone (never mind, space in general) to create a two hour documentary. He didn't want to interrupt, but he had a nagging question. The moral side had no clue why it was so persistent.

"Um, Logan?"

"Yes, Patton?"

"Why do you like space so much?"

Logan paused, clearly considering the question carefully.

"I guess it's because the solar system holds so many potential mysteries. Undiscovered planets and universes that we know nothing about yet, with so much potential. With so many possibilities… In at least one of them, maybe there's another version of us, where I made completely different decisions, that could have made a better… or worse reality. Either way, it reminds me that all of our problems are so small because we are all just one speck of a person on a tiny rotating ball. And maybe everyone is more alike than we think… Some people just haven't looked at their lives from that perspective yet."

Patton stole a glance at the side and at that point, he knew that there was no one brighter from his perspective.

"I think that we all forget that sometimes." Patton said quietly, even for Logan's hearing, which only Virgil's rivaled. "That our mistakes matter so little in the grand scheme of things."

Now it was Logan's turn to steal a glance. _How many times_ _had he ruminated over a mistake, despite the knowledge that very little of them actually matter in the end? And how many times had he found comfort in Patton, even if he never sought it and knew how illogical he was being? _

"Despite this, I still wish that I made less of them. Maybe then I could be more helpful to everyone else and less of an obnoxious know it all." Logan then realized that he was actually crying silently, all of the secret fear he's held in lately slowly leaking out.

"Hey." Patton looked him in the eyes. "You are doing your best and that's all anyone can expect from you. Mistakes are an opportunity to learn and improve. And you help us plenty… Who helps Roman's ideas make sense to others? Who points out the fallacies in Virgil's anxious thoughts? Who helps us understand Deceit and Remus? Who helps me feel more grounded to reality when everything is overwhelming?... That is all you. Thomas needs you… And so do I… You called yourself an obnoxious know it all. Do you know what I see in you?"

Patton pointed to the twinkling sky above them. "This is what I see. Something with so much potential and mystery… Something bright and beautiful."

Then Logan did something very out of character for him and hugged the moral side. It pained Patton to realize that he was shaking.

"I don't… see that though… All I see sometimes are my mistakes… It doesn't add up…" Patton held him close and rubbed his back soothingly.

"It's okay if you don't see that yet… It's a work in progress, but you can get there in time. Although, it might help if you took in what is said during Thomas' therapy sessions instead of analyzing the techniques being used." This made the logical side cry harder and he said,

"I'm so-sorry."

"It's okay. You have feelings. Even if you don't always understand them, it's better to acknowledge them than to pretend not to have them. Take it from me."

Logan knew that Patton was right about this, but he was still ashamed that he was being so _stupid_.

"Logan, you need to breathe. You can't fix anything if you don't breathe." The logical side didn't realize how shallow his breath was getting. He started to panic and Patton helped him with the breathing exercise that he knew the logical side had led him and Virgil through before.

_In 4, hold 7, out 4, in 4… hold 7… out 4, In 4…...hold 7…..out 4.…._

Even after Logan had calmed down, they still held each other, feeling comforted by the other's touch in this moment. It wasn't until Logan thought that Patton had fallen asleep on top of him and grass and under blankets and stars that he whispered,

"You're my hero too."

When Thomas woke up the next morning, he went out and bought some glow in the dark star stickers and put them up on his ceiling. He didn't know why, but they made him feel calmer.

Dancing (Prinxiety):

"For the last time, Roman." The anxious side said. "I don't like dancing."

"I know you don't, but I think that this could be fun and may help you feel better about yourself."

"How can copying moves in a crowded club near a bunch of sweaty strangers do anything to improve my self-esteem?"

"That does make sense. After all, it was only my desire for new experiences and Patton's need to fulfill social obligations that got Thomas to start dancing at all for theatre."

Virgil glared at him. The fanciful side was right, but it didn't mean that he wanted to be reminded of it.

_Virgil hated how he felt whenever Thomas danced. He felt like everyone was judging. His dance moves, his body, his social skills… Dancing felt like an endless copy of what other people were doing, what they wanted to see from him... But the others liked it. Roman wanted to be able to express things in such a physical way and to hear the praise from others when Thomas danced well. Patton liked the social and emotional aspects of it, especially when it was with someone special. Even Logan admitted that it was a good form of exercise. He didn't want to bring everyone down, but he also didn't want Thomas to get hurt, physically or emotionally. This would often start a war within himself whenever Thomas wanted to dance. And no matter what decision he made, he was always sure it was the wrong one afterwards. _

"I understand where you're coming from, though. That's why my idea has no night clubs involved."

Virgil perked up curiously. He still wasn't sure if he liked this idea, but he decided to follow Roman anyway. At least it didn't involve leaving the mind palace and leaving Thomas defenseless while he slept.

He led Virgil to Patton's room, which as usual was unlocked. Twinkling lights, stuffed animals, and other soft things lined the room. Patton and Logan had gone on their stargazing adventure tonight and would probably come back in the early morning hours, even more cute and clueless than normal.

"Hold on, I have to set up the music." Roman said with a grin. Virgil peered over his shoulder and realized that this playlist included acoustic alternative, romantic musical, and classical music. _If anything could get me to waltz, this would be it, _the anxious side thought to himself. The first song played at an ambient volume and Virgil instantly recognized it as an acoustic version of _Paramore's, _"The Only Exception."

"May I have this dance?" Roman asked with a curtsy and then held out his hand. It contrasted wildly with the fact that they were in their pyjamas in the center of Patton's bedroom.

"Uh… yes…" Virgil said.

Roman beamed and said, "Don't worry. We'll start out slow." He must have noticed the other's hesitance. This was a new development. Roman took the lead, but it was calm, more like swaying than professional waltzing. It was awkward at first, but they soon grew used to each other's movements and could predict them. Slowly but surely, Virgil relaxed.

After a couple songs worth of calm movement, Roman spoke up.

"I should probably confess…" He felt Virgil grow tense with nervous anticipation, but he knew he had to continue. "You're not the only one who gets nervous when Thomas is dancing in front of others… I fret about not telling him the right moves to make… About screwing everything up… I just wanted to let you know, you're not the only one with these sorts of thoughts… I just hide them behind a mask… I'm sorry for not telling you earlier."

"It's okay. I think every one of us has some sort of mask..." He trailed off, lost in thought. As Virgil had gotten to know the main sides, he started to identify their masks. Patton's was pretending to be happy when he wasn't for the sake of others. Logan's was pretending that he didn't care about things or make mistakes, because this was easier than admitting his vulnerabilities. And Roman's was the hardest for him to figure out, but it was pretending to always be confident, even when his ideas never felt good enough. "It's something to work on, but it doesn't make you a lesser aspect." He continued.

Roman smiled and said, "The same goes for you. You used to be so harsh and scary, probably so we would listen to you and not reject you like you feared. But it's okay, we're all trying to be better versions of ourselves, I suppose… We're all in different places with that, but we can try to help each other. We should… It's what's best for Thomas. I'm sorry-"

"Don't." Virgil interrupted. "We understand each other better now and that's all that should matter."

Then the creative side surprised the vigilant one by pulling him into a strong hug. So strong that Roman fell and brought Virgil down with him.

"I'm sorry." Roman said sheepishly. "I know you don't always like touch… Nor sudden movement."

"It's okay." Virgil said, the weight of Roman pressing onto him like a safety blanket. "Sometimes touch is helpful to me, it really just depends. Can you give me a little warning next time though?"

"Of course, Verge… I can get up whenever you want me to."

"I know." Virgil responded, but he made no attempt at moving right away. He felt safe here.

It was slow going, but this started a change within Thomas. He no longer felt quite as ashamed for asking others for help, because you never know when someone is quietly going through the same struggle.


	3. Chapter 3- Apathy and Nightmares

TW: Nightmares, depression, self-deprecation, swearing, i.d.k

Apathy:The Art of Losing Yourself

After the events in "Nostalgia" and "Moving on," Patton knew that it was not good for the other sides to spend too much time in his room. So because of this and the fact that Logan is kind of a workaholic, he had taken to spending a lot of time in Logan's room. This was fine, even enjoyable, until it wasn't…

It all started one night when Patton had a nightmare and got up in the middle of the night to cuddle with Logan. He had told Patton to do this a while ago because, "Good mental health is important for Thomas, so it follows that you should be comforted whenever necessary, since you control most of his emotional functioning." Logan is a surprisingly good cuddler, so Patton always fell asleep after Logan started hugging him and whispering in soothing tones.

However, when he woke up that morning, he realized that something was off with his vision. Suddenly wide awake, he quietly snuck out of Logan's arms, grabbed his glasses, and walked into the kitchen and turned on the overhead light. This didn't do anything except make the shadows of the kitchen supplies contrast more. The jam in the Crofter's jar, the bananas in the fruit basket, not even the flowers on the windowsill had colors on them. Patton was confused. _Did he hit his head or something yesterday? Did he have a brain tumor? Was this a genetic thing? _He had no idea. He grabbed his phone out of his room and scoured the internet. There was no explanation that seemed to explain his sudden total color blindness that he hadn't thought of.

He then heard a sound. It was Logan, getting up to get water.

"You're up early, Patton. Even for your usual habits."

Patton checked the time. It was 4:55A.M. He was an early bird, but even he wasn't typically up for at least another hour. At that moment, he thought about asking Logan what he knew about color blindness, but just as suddenly, he wondered, _did it really matter?_ After all, it might just go away on its own soon and there would be no point in worrying Logan in that case. Plus, as long as it didn't affect Thomas, it was fine, right?

"I didn't sleep well, even though your cuddles helped."

"I'm sorry, darling." He hugged Patton from behind.

"It's okay, don't worry about it." Patton held Logan's hand. But both the action and his voice were devoid of feeling.

The rest of the day, Patton felt like a shell of his former self. He cooked, cleaned, and did everything else he usually did for the other sides, but he did nothing else with his day but sleep on the couch. He didn't garden, he didn't embroider, paint, or watch TV. He had to fake his laugh and smile around the other sides. He didn't even make puns.

Even though he and Roman were really busy making plans for Thomas' upcoming videos, Logan couldn't help but notice this odd behavior.

"Are you feeling okay, Patton?"

"Yeah, I'm just tired for some reason." He didn't even see the point in lying to Logan anymore.

"I'm sorry to hear that. You can spend the night with me if that helps you sleep at all." Patton didn't know what would help. He just didn't want any of the sides to worry about him.

"That sounds like a good idea. It must be the nightmares I've been having lately." Logan gave him a rare smile and Patton tried to do the same, but the sensation felt weird, like he forgot how to do it. And he swore he saw a snake out of the corner of his eyes…

The next morning, all of the sides woke up before Patton, which was very unusual. The other sides figured that he might be sick and probably needed the sleep. Roman made breakfast instead and Logan resolved to check on Patton afterwards. However, the three sides felt themselves being summoned before they were even done with breakfast.

When they rose up into the common room of the mindscape, the first thing they noticed was that Thomas was in clothes that looked like they haven't been washed for two days and his hair was a mess.

"Do you guys know what is going on with Patton?" The other sides noticed that Thomas' voice was very monotone.

"No, I mean I think he's sick, he's been very tired lately but-" Logan was then cut off by Thomas.

"I think it's more than that, I haven't been feeling his presence at all…" Thomas said more things, but they didn't register to Logan. He was too busy thinking.

"I'm such an idiot!" Logan's sudden shout interrupted Thomas' recount of his current lack of motivation and apathy about life. The others turned to look at him and saw a look of pure horror on his face that they had never seen on him before.

"Care to explain to the class, Teach?" Roman responded.

"No, I have to go now!" And he sank out of the room, leaving confusion and fear in his wake for everyone except Thomas, who felt nothing.

Logan ran to his room while thinking _I'm such an idiot. How could I have not seen this coming after what happened to the rest of us in Patton and Virgil's rooms? My stupidity may have put all of us in danger. _

When he got to his room, he was horrified to see that Patton was still asleep and physically devoid of all of his colors like a black and white person photoshopped into a modern room.

"Patton… Darling… You need to wake up." Patton groaned and Logan swore he muttered, "What's the point?" under his breath.

It was then that Logan realized how far down the hole of apathy Patton had fallen into. He picked him up and carried him to his own room.

The atmosphere instantly changed from that of books and order to nostalgia and adorableness. However, nothing about Patton's appearance changed at first.

Everything started flooding Patton's head at once. All of the feelings he hadn't been able to feel recently. Sadness, confusion, joy, fear, love came back in a flood, one after another…

From the outside, Logan noticed that Patton had started shaking. Given his recent mistake, he was afraid to touch the moral side. Then, Patton opened his eyes and tears came pouring out against his will.

"It hurts… Everything hurts." Even his body felt like he had the flu. In his space, Logan felt a lot of empathy for the moral side. Emotions were important, even if he didn't always understand them. He hated that his room somehow affected Patton to the point that he shoved his emotions down to the point of apathy like Logan did on bad days. When nothing made sense…

"I know." He whispered. "I'm so sorry. It's all my fault." It took awhile for him to realize that he was trying not to cry. He had to focus on Patton.

Patton fell into Logan's lap, which helped Logan figure out that he wanted to be touched. He obliged, desperately hoping this would help.

When Patton felt better, he opened his eyes and realized that his color vision was back and he no longer felt apathetic. Unfortunately, one of the first things he saw was how sad Logan looked.

"It isn't your fault." He whispered as he separated to look Logan in the eyes. This broke the dam.

"Yes, it is." Logan scooted further away, scared of what he might screw up next. He suddenly stood up and started pacing around the room. "I didn't notice the signs that something abnormal was wrong. I didn't connect the dots to deduce that my room might be bad for you until it caused you emotional pain. If I can't connect the dots and freaking help my friends, what am I good for? I'm definitely not winning any popularity contests. I accidentally hurt people's feelings all the time because I speak before I consider the social consequences. And even when I do, I still fuck up all the time. Like during the break-up... What good to the host is a side like that? I need those stupid flashcards to understand basic slang and yet I have the arrogance to call myself smart. Honestly, Thomas… All of you would be-"

"Logan!" Patton was practically shouting to get him to stop. His energy was finally coming back. "My room is corrupting you!"

That was all it took for Logan to run out of the room. _Anything to keep from falling apart in front of anyone again. To keep them from seeing how truly broken he is, how poorly he hides it, and from deciding that he wasn't good enough at his job… That all he did was bring the rest of them down with lectures and information nobody else cared about… And that he sometimes lashed out because he was too stupid to understand- _

Logan was stopped with a crushing hug before he could finish his mental tangent or make it to the door. Patton briefly wondered if it was the right move. He knew Logan didn't always like sudden physical contact, but Patton was worried that he might hurt himself if he was left alone like this.

But then Logan put his head on his shoulders, tears pouring out uncontrollably and Patton knew where he should be right now.

"Shh… It's okay... I'm okay… Let it out. It's not healthy to keep all of this bottled up. Even when it hurts… Or it's confusing… Between this and the stargazing trip, it's clear that you hold on to the guilt after you make a mistake for far longer than you should… You're allowed to make mistakes, Lo. You're not a robot. Mistakes help people learn, help them become better…"

After a couple of minutes of salt water hugs and soothing whispers, they had resolved to sitting against a wall in the hallway connecting the main sides rooms, still holding hands.

"Thank you so much, Patton…" Logan whispered.

"Of course, Logan. We love you. I…" Patton trailed off, as if ending that sentence was too awkward.

"I love you too, Patton. You are my metaphorical sunshine. I should have told you sooner..." They had both scooted closer to each other without realizing. The only logical response they both thought of was to close the gap.

And that's how they had their first kiss.

A Waking Nightmare (Prinxiety)

TW: Ableism, Nightmares, Spoiler for D.W.I.T, Implied self-harm

The first thing Roman heard that night was his own voice. He stayed perfectly still and pretended to be asleep. Maybe Deceit is up to his old tricks again. However, the things his "voice" was saying were harsh, even for Deceit.

"Honestly, I don't even know why we accepted you in the first place. All you do is cause problems for us. Especially me. How can I pursue Thomas' dreams when you are constantly stopping me? It's not even like your fears are justified. You just hold all of us back."

Roman realized with a shiver that it definitely wasn't Deceit, but he needed to open his eyes to see if his theory was correct. He opened them and saw semi-translucent versions of all of the sides, dark and light. They seemed to be taking turns insulting the translucent version of Virgil. The real Virgil was still asleep, but was tossing and turning.

"I tried my hardest to be nice to you, but even I have my limits." A very out of character Patton said while Roman was putting the pieces together. You make my job harder. I have a hard enough time convincing Thomas to do the right thing without you second guessing me all the time."

"It would be illogical of me to disagree. Your cognitive distortions make it harder for me to do my job. The smartest thing to do would be to treat you like any other disease and get rid of you."

Roman's blood was boiling. He couldn't listen to this anymore. He touched the apparition of Logan and realized that it was solid. This was a lot worse than he thought.

The presence of another side diverted the apparitions' attention.

"God, why can't you just admit that you really hate yourself and drop the act? It would be better to Thomas if both sides of Thomas' creativity worked properly. Creativity is a huge part of his self-esteem after all…" It was super bizarre to hear his deepest fears verbalized in his own voice.

"Does the end product really justify the dangerous decisions you have made?" "Virgil" said with a sneer.

"Not to mention the stupid ones." "Logan" added.

"You're so full of yourself. Did you ever consider the emotional impact that's going to have on Thomas when he realizes the extent of your lies? The mess I'll have to clean up…" "Patton's" words stung the most. And on and on it went, until he realized. The embodiment of Thomas' anxiety had been spending a lot of time in the part of his brain where imagination flourished. The only way they might be able to stop it would be for them to both get out of Roman's room as quickly as possible.

The anxious side was still asleep and distressed. The sudden appearance of another side's fears probably didn't help matters. Roman ran and picked up the sleeping Virgil bridal style. The apparitions continued to shout scary things at him to prevent their banishment to the nightmare realm once they were out of the room. The only way Roman could block them out was by repeating the mantra that the other sides had come up for him after his breakdown in Logan's room last week.

_I can make mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn. I am enough. I am loved. _

And even then, it took a lot of strength to carry Virgil across the room, leave, and close the door. He sat against the hallway, panting for a minute as Virgil started to stir on the carpeted floor. Roman was shocked at the speed with Virgil sat up. He was breathing rapidly, too rapidly. Roman inched himself closer to the anxious side to show support, but not close enough to potentially make him more anxious.

Virgil was staring at Roman with an intensity that he wasn't used to. "I'm sorry. I took a good thing and ruined it." His nails were pressing against his forearms like daggers. "I always do this." Acting on instinct, Roman took Virgil's hands in his to stop him from hurting himself. He squeezed them in response, almost like an anchor as the waves rushed in.

"You didn't do anything wrong." The creative side replied softly. "I made a mistake. I shouldn't have had you stay in that room for that long. It makes sense that all of the rooms specific to one side would eventually affect any other side present. I'm sure if I ever had Patton or Logan in my room in that long, a similar thing would happen. Patton's emotions would probably cause a rainstorm or something eventually… The guy keeps so much inside. And Logan's brainstorm would probably come to life all Sherlock style… It would be interesting, but scary… My point is that it's not your fault."

"Maybe…" He didn't sound completely convinced. "Plenty of other things are my fault though…"

"What do you mean, Hot Topic?"

"I keep Thomas from doing anything fun, I don't make any sense, and I just create problems for everyone else…"

"Falsehood." The fanciful side said, stealing a line from Logan. "You keep Thomas safe. Sure, you can go a little bit overboard at times, but we can reign you in, just like when Logan's being too much of a perfectionist. You have a purpose. Sometimes it clashes with the situation, but you have friends to help you make sense of it, just like I can turn to Patton if I'm being too hard on myself. And you do so much more than you give yourself credit for. You help Thomas have humility, empathy, caution, and more. Occasionally, you react in extremes to a situation, but so do the rest of us at times and we would never cast any of them out. Sometimes I act conceited, Patton is depressed, or Logan is angry, but you would never reject any of us. So why would we do the same to you now?"

"But how do I know that you're just lying to get me to shut up?"

"Because I'm not Deceit, first of all. And second of all, I don't think you should shut up, because talking about these things helps. Keeping them all inside makes you want to explode and we don't need an exploding storm cloud. We need you, all of you. I-"

He stopped short of saying the words, but Virgil understood. He instead gave a surprise hug to Roman. The words didn't need to be said.

After this, Roman got to work on a project with the others so the pairs had a place where they could hang out without being corrupted. Logan and Patton's ended up looking like a cross between a bedroom, a study, and a therapist's office. Roman and Virgil's looked like the love suite of an emo and a Broadway star. It helped Thomas' mental health quite a bit.


End file.
